Memorial Day.

5.30.2005
Happy Memorial Day indeed.

A day where my thoughts remain with my two Grandfathers and Great Grandfather who served in WWII and WWI respectively - two wars that are certainly a helluva lot more justifiable than the “war” on Iraq - a war on innocent lives and women and children who are completely passive and defenseless - the only ones attacking are our troops.

The “terrorists” and/or suicide bombers aren’t indicative of the entire country. So, the next time I’m in line (2 times now - same cashier, same white trash hillbilly-ette ahead of me in line flapping her gums… unfuckingbelievable…I gotta get out of Essexville more often to shop…) in a grocery store and hear someone refer to folks in Iraq as “Camel People” or “Sand People,” one of you is going to have to bail me out of Essexville County Jail…as I’ll be causing much bloodshed and ridding the world of one less alleged “woman or man of “god”” who believes that killing innocent lives, because, “after all, they’re just Camel People”. People like that make me sick - as if you hadn’t noticed - and I could definitely feel good about having one less idiot to share the same atmosphere with.

Helping to protect all of Europe and a lot of the rest of the world from Tyranny? Sure, I’d say we should’ve been there - and did a good job of helping those folks out. And I’m DAMN proud of what my grandfathers accomplished.

“Protecting our freedom in Iraq”? Hah. Freedom from what? A leader whose bark (in spite of the genocide committed against his own people) was definitely worse than his bite when it comes to hurting the U.S. What we should focus on is fighting stateside against our own Tyranny (or, throttle down some in Iraq - as WE’RE the freakin’ tyrants there… agree with me or don’t - but just know that on this…I AM CORRECT.), our own poverty, our own alleged “two party, democratically elected” system, our own jobless, health care-less. Take a cue from countries who take care of their own first…then maybe we can call ourselves a great country. How can we deign to help or take over other countries when our failures in our own homeland continue to mount, by the week, by the day, by the hour, by the minute…

When we learn to protect ourselves FROM ourselves, then maybe we can call it progress.

My freedom to write this comes from our constitution, not because young men and women are risking their lives for a tyrant who couldn’t hack time in the service and did everything he could to stay out. Who else would suck the oil out of his family’s ample money filled teats?

What a joke. Kiss my ass GWB - why don’t you and all of those who follow you jump off the nearest cliff like the lemmings you all are. When you’re out of office, we can only get better, even if we put Saddam in charge. Eat that.

Repitition Is Necessary...Repitition Is Necessary

5.25.2005.3
“If the white man wants to live in peace…he can live in peace - treat all men alike. Give them all the same law. Give all an even chance to live and grow. All men were made by the same Great Spirit Chief. They are all brothers.” Chief Joseph, Nez Pearce, 1840-1904. A true hero of mine. Now ask yourself - especially if you blindly follow the “teachings” of daily life in North America - is the U.S. TRULY making a concerted effort to follow this great advice? No. They’re not. Amazing that such simple philosophy cannot find its way into the hearts and minds of the masses. Sad, really. Very, very sad.

5.25.2005.2
Repetition? Yep. There’s probably a lot of stuff on my online journal that I may repeat seemingly over and over and over and… Is that any different from the christian “values” that are repetitiously laid out before us - from the day of our birth? Is it any different from the incessant “flag worship” wrought upon us from the day we’re born? Those things are taken by “the mainstream” (whatever THAT is…) as “gospel.” Why? Why do opinions and “facts” put before us by a mostly white, christian, male government and/or media HAVE to be true? Why do the opposite feelings, facts and beliefs end up being tossed away? I’ve asked this before…and will continue to ask it until I’m given an answer. I’ll also refuse to take part in any flag worship and/or acts of malicious so called “patriotism”, when TRUE patriotism takes place in asking questions to keep the very leaders of this country in check - that is - without invoking their own religious beliefs on their constituents and/or those from other countries that may oppose those views.

5.25.2005
From a friend of mine, who recently read an email about Leonard Peltier that I wrote.

“Enlighten me more…
Do you think he had nothing to do with the murders of the two agents?
Do you think he is completely innocent?
You do you think killed them? (and please don't say Mr. X)
Have you been to http://www.noparolepeltier.com/?”

I think when we get the different websites involved - from both or all sides - we're doing the right thing. that's a wonderful site in terms of its layout. however, I don't have to agree with what is printed there. fair enough?

In issues of guilty or non guilty - playing by the rules of our court system - unfortunately, there are no "in betweens". That sucks. But, like our current "democracy" - there are truly only 2 choices when it comes down to brass tacks. Because of this, I suppose we disagree. I also have no answers and will not drop to the level of suggesting that a "Mr. X" is the guilty party. I believe the comments attributed to Peltier regarding this person over the years have been read as they want to be read and printed as the printer wants them printed. Kind of like the "news" that is allegedly true in our mainstream media nowadays.

This to me is yet another miscarriage of justice against one individual who happens to be a Native American person. It’s become high profile because of nationality and the press the case has received. It’s only a smart part however, truly, of the overall crimes against these people.

Native American history to me represents pride, dignity, strength and honor. Considering that our current land mass was occupied by millions of Native Americans before Columbus (no hero of mine, thank you very much... all one needs to do is read some accounts from his own people about what a fool he was to work with...) et al decided that taking the land from, enslaving, killing, etc... the Natives was the only way to "liberate" our land and "freedom", and yet continue to fight for "our freedom" umm...overseas...I'm not too trusting of our system and its ability to "work". Then again, the rules keep changing.

Just like the hundreds of alleged "terrorists" locked up in Guantanamo - some without the ability to contact family or lawyers - under U.S. "jurisdiction", there are plenty of folks here stateside that are also locked up with no forensic or otherwise credible evidence that are indeed the responsible party for the harm or death of the victim(s) involved in their "case".

Do we live in the greatest country in the world? I can't answer that. Do I enjoy freedom? Sure. By its very definition. But not by the definitions imposed upon it by our government. Their interpretation - in my opinion - is terribly skewed. Freedom is all encompassing - it is NOT "when it's convenient for U.S. people".

Before it's asked, I DO NOT believe in terrorists or anyone who wants to kill for seemingly no reason - hell, I don't believe in killing for ANY reason (and that includes the "death penalty"). I do believe in protecting ourselves. But I also think that a military presence has become necessary to our country - because we created its importance.

Aside from what's reported in the "media", there are plenty of countries in the world that live peacefully, prosperously and happily, by themselves without bothering anyone. It's possible.

When we stop terrorizing the world - and in some cases our own people (whether physically or mentally - images of "patriotism" being force fed to us daily) - only then, can we experience true safety, and freedom.

Back to Mr. Peltier. He's wrongfully imprisoned - in my opinion. Just like the West Memphis 3 (www.wm3.org). And countless others. Our system may work - at times - but not all the time. And it's wrong, and grossly irresponsible to ignore or cast aside the importance of looking on both sides of the fence and uncovering ALL possibilities in EVERY SINGLE case. Unfortunately, that's what's happened to Leonard Peltier and the WM3 for a couple of examples.

We spend far too much time talking about what's right with our country, than what is wrong with it. Not to be negative, but dammit, if we're gonna be truly "patriotic" we sure as hell better question things that aren't right with our system.

That's it.

I'm Soooooooooo Dreamy

5.24.2005
dreams from last night.

- spent a great deal of time zoning in and out all night last night, but kept going back to this “world” which was the same as the one we currently live in (at least it appeared to be), except people were walking around beating each other and shooting each other and laughing it off. We were all indestructible, and had sectioned bodies, with our middles sort of floating in between our upper and lower torsos.
- Was driving on a very icy road with Timmy and Emilie and all I could think of was to get them where we going safely.
- Was helping my dad put something together and he was letting me do some of the work.
- Was with Holly in England and there was this woman below us on a lower level sidewalk as we walked along above. She was telling people who passed her by to guess her weight and she’d give them some big dollars. Holly and I each tossed down a guess and she said no way, not even close but threw some American dimes at us anyway. We were giggling, but I couldn’t help myself. I walked back and said “379”? and she looked at me in shock and said “how’d you KNOW that?” We then proceeded to talk about how she’d had a baby and was unable to get rid of the excess weight. I told her something like “well, you’re taking the right steps by walking today…good luck.”
- I was being held hostage by a woman with a gun, in my own apartment. Didn’t know what to do, so I picked up the cordless and lifted it to my ear and said “Damn. The line’s dead anyway…” She laughed and didn’t realize that I’d actually dialed 911 and left the phone on the couch where everything going on in the house could be heard on the other end of the line.

My son Timothy...

5.23.2005
“If everyone in the world was nice to each other, we wouldn’t have wars.” Timothy S. Goff

Random Dreams, From A Random Guy

5.21.2005
Some random memories from random dreams last night - again.

- was working at my desk when a spider the size of my thumb dropped from the ceiling with a plop on the printer paper
- was late for work and my boss - Tony Bruno (the sports radio personality) - told me that my punishment would be to spend half of the day watching some video on sexual harrasment. A video that I’d already watched as was required of all employees. I was to go to a private room and watch it. Meanwhile, the NASCAR team I drove for was without a driver for the race which was taking place. I didn’t call them or inform them that I was not coming. I was in this private room - watching the NASCAR race that I was supposed to be at - and Eminem walked in. I talked with him for a bit and explained how crappy this situation was. Then, we talked about the albums we were releasing and the duet we had just done. I tried to call my race team to tell them where I was, but couldn’t get through since it was a weekend and I only dialed the shop number and not anyone’s personal cell number.
- I’m on a bus, looking up boxscores on my cell phone, not sure where I was headed. The guy next to me said he just HAD to know who was winning the basketball game. Would I please look it up?
- In a car, separated from my mom, kids and Holly as we’re all headed for Disney World. I made a few turns and phone calls for directions, and ended up right at the entrance I needed. I walked (with my bike for whatever reason) across the sidewalk to the entrance. Was told to leave my bike parked by either the Democrat or Republican Amigo Scooters which were chained to the wall across the entrance room next to a pop machine. There were 4 old guys in the room shooting the bull and one of ‘em said don’t leave it parked next to the Democrat one, as it’ll get stolen. Much laughter ensued. Then I walked up to the counter and said “the same could be said for the Republican one”. More laughter. Then, I called Holly and told her where I was so everyone could meet me in the same place. After I hung up, I looked up at the name of the entrance and it said “Emergency Entrance”.

I gotta stop drinking coffee...

5.19.2005
Some random memories from random dreams last night (no alcohol before bed, but I DID watch the first half of “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind” so maybe that was the source of the mind fuck…Damn you Charlie Kaufman! DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

- accompanied Timmy and his class on a field trip…literally. Out in a field somewhere. There were highway workers with “spud guns” and they were randomly shooting down birds - first a hawk, then an eagle, then a crow, then a… well, you get the picture. Very surreal. The kids had slingshots, and were aiming off in the other direction shooting at birds as well. Strange.
- Was doing a live broadcast for a radio station at a clothing store. Found a really cool Navy Blue subtely striped banded collar button up shirt for $3.98. Not bad. Was going to add it to the shopping cart after the broadcast.
- Had a very deep conversation with one of my ex-girlfriends in the same store. It was a good conversation, but full of tension - of all sorts.
- Met Ron Hornaday (NASCAR driver) and found one of his die cast trucks outside of the store I was broadcasting from.

Free Leonard Peltier

5.18.2005
Have been reading “Prison Writings” and recording it as well, chapter by chapter. My hope is to get all 242 or so pages recorded, and send them on a CD to Leonard and/or his people. Maybe there’s a way to raise some money for his defense fund by putting it up for sale on his website. I don’t know. I’m just compelled to help. Should do the same for the WM3. The book written by Mara Leveritt is insanely good - and served its purpose of getting me pissed off even further at the “bible belt politics” that run with all their inherent idiosyncratic reasoning through the hills and trailer parks all across the south. Idiots. There’s only 4 people there that I mention that have felt the wrath of our alleged “justice” system. I’m certain there’s many many more. I’ve chosen the 4 of them so far, and am sure I’ll come across more. I just wish I could do something to help. My passion, my inspiration to make a change for them to get their voices hear d to a society - even amongst those in my circle - that simply doesn’t care much (or seem to in general anyway) is eternally frustrating.

System Of A Down... Blowing You Away

5.17.2005
New System Of A Down CD comes out today. In honor of that, I present an excerpt from the lyrics to “Boom” - a song that will fall on so many deaf ears and/or never be heard by the folks who REALLY SHOULD HEAR IT. Are you listening George W and Friends? You corporate motherfuckers.

Modern globalization
Coupled with condemnations
Unnecessary death
Matador corporations
Puppeting your frustrations with a blinded flag
Manufacturing consent is the name of the game
The bottom line is money nobody gives a fuck

4000 hungry children
Leave us per hour from starvation
While billions are spent on bombs
Creating death showers

Boom, Boom, Boom,
Every time you drop a bomb
You kill the god your child has born…


5.17.2005.2
Trying to come up with a way of expressing one of my beliefs, I rolled this off at 2am a few night s ago - and was surprised to see that a true hero of mine - Leonard Peltier - expressed something similar in his book “Prison Writings” that his elders taught him. Peep this though:
“100 % ‘perfection’ or ‘absolution’ is unattainable and impossible for us to comprehend, much less achieve. Part of the reason for this is that we cannot possibly know what the true realized ‘value’ of absolution is. It’s our job as living creatures of the Creator’s Earth to seek answers within ourselves though, which will lead us to results as close to our perceived ‘perfect solutions’ for any given situation. Mathematics are not part of the spiritual enlightenment chain (ie: 1+1=2 as a sampling of ‘absolution’) that we seek. For all numbers can be modified to give us ‘answers’ which we desire to be truthful. To that end, we can create convenient absolutes, which in the end oft times cheat ourselves. While we’re in this realm, however, we must use the common sense and answers which have been “factory installed” in our very beings by the Creator - not by any alleged words of “god” in the various “good books” of the various religions. We must attempt to gain knowledge from a myriad of sources available to us - not one specific source, but many. In this way, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, we’ll learn each side to every equation and/or conundrum which presents itself to us.

Dude... Find Some Books And READ

5.15.2005
If you can’t talk intelligently about what it is you feel, then don’t bother conversing with me. Start giving a shit. Giving enough of a shit to learn, listen, read, explore something outside of your comfort zone - or pen as it were. Stop being complacent. START asking questions. DON’T get in my way. If you wanna ride along, bring a pen and paper and good music and books. It’s a long journey. If you don’t wanna ride, stay off the track.

Freedom Under The Government's Oppressive Genocidal Blanket?

5.14.2005
Can you HONESTLY look yourself in the mirror and BELIEVE what you’re saying, when you say you “feel much safer and secure since Bush came into office and invaded Iraq and Afghanistan.”? You’re intelligent, right? You tie your own shoes, dress yourself in the morning, THINK for yourself. All of the above…right?
Then how could you possibly answer “yes” to the first question? You say there’s soldiers - YOUNG men and women oft times - giving their lives to protect us…and our freedoms. Possibly. If they were HERE. If those poor soldiers were doing their jobs HERE. NOT blowing people up - nowadays in self defense in many cases - in a country that doesn’t want us there. Iraq, Afghanistan, wherever. No one ordained us to be the protector - OR the bully - that we fancy ourselves to be. Why should we infer that our way is “the best way”? Instilling United States Democracy into a country that has never known the goods and bads of the system we have in place - not a good idea. Yet, we continue on. Apparently feeling a huge sense of pride in what we’re doing, in spit of the myriad deaths that have left blood on our hands. We’re not perfect. We’ve got domestic issues that continue to be grossly ignored - homelessness, joblessness being just two. You say we’re fortunate to live here, because we’ve diversified our interests domestically and abroad to ensure that if the oil ever gets less abundant, we’ll be okay. Several hundred years will take place before we “run out”, chief. Do we TRULY have the “greatest country in the world” because we have the right to protest, to question authority, to rise up and say “HELL NO”? In theory…yes. In reality…nope. If it were true, why would anyone not agreeing with the present state of affairs and/or the administration and corporate puppets that run everything in our country, be ostracized or frowned upon as Un American or not democratic enough? It’s not about seeing who can be quiet the longest. It’s about who can raise their voice to be heard above the braying of the docile masses and try to increase awareness and knowledge. THAT’s what a TRULY GREAT nation would employ as standard. WE don’t…so…do the math. “If you don’t like it, why don’t you move?” It’s not a bad idea, really. Despite what people “in the know” tell you, America might NOT be the best and most stable country to live in. Make fun of Canadians all you want, but if you really want to see a country close by that has their shit together, look north, my friends. I don’t want to move…too many family and friends to leave behind. Too much to see in terms of what the great spirit created for us all to enjoy…to respect…to honor. Too much of that to do before I decide to leave it all behind. Yes, I love this country. I love the fact that I can freely type without anyone (at least until I get the first Patriot Act Puppet at my door…) ordering me to stop. However, the ability that I have to freely create, express, engage - has nothing to do with our military junta in Iraq or Afghanistan. So, don’t hand me your red, white and blue, RAH RAH propaganda - or I’ll wipe with it and hand it back to you. Start asking questions and going beneath the surface of what you see, hear and are told. Be like…me. I’m not perfect, but I’m also not a lemming. Go ahead and jump if you’re not willing to explore other options aside what comes easiest to you and goes down with the sugar coated taste of money. I’m getting rather used to choking on the IPECAC of Truth and what’s really happening. Quite frankly, if you’re not willing to swallow your share, I’d rather wait til we’re both pushing up the daisies in a couple of hundred of years to continue any discussions with you.

Left Wing Lock

5.11.2005
Knowing how well I’ve done choosing those that I have allowed into my life, I often wonder what “they really think.” Am I some kind of whacko commie leftist? Am I to be ignored? Am I to be occasionally laughed at and “oh that’s just Steve being silly again”-d? It’s strange. I can count on one hand (perhaps 2 - but not likely) the friends I have who truly are willing to listen to what I have to say. Frustrating, really. Friends - and I’m certain some family somewhere - who are Right Wing all the way. I hate to get caught up in generalization and/or attaching signs to folks, but Right Wing and Liberal seem to be the easiest for folks to equate to what I’m against and what I’m about, respectively. It puts me into deep depression when I even get an email jokingly putting down a comment I might make in passing. Just knowing that MY comment (most likely leaning to “the left”) was well thought out, researched, not just tossed out there. The M.O. of “the right” seems to be to just toss aside with sarcastic “wit” (if you can call it that) or malicious venom (most likely off the cuff and without a backbone of fact) because they’re intent on “toeing the party line” of their beliefs no matter what. No room for argument really. Arguing or debating takes two sides. In a perfect world, with both having an equal chance to expound. That ain’t the way it works, though, jack. No, “the right” will take the road of “what I say is correct, BECAUSE I say it…” Twisted, really. Interestingly, it seems to me that the folks who debate well, are from “the left”. They have facts, figures, information and not innuendo to fuel their fires. They’ll take the time to listen to their “opponent” and accept it as their opinion, but then, give back in the game of give and take, with a retort featuring information that they’ve culled from their resources and want to share. The problem? You cannot give a “right winger” any of that, because they won’t take it. Ask a right wing supporter WHY they believe the things they do. Keep a single line on your 30 line sheet of paper available for their response. RARELY has a right wing person given me a solid, TRUE reason to support what they support. Ask a liberal, a democrat or a “leftist” why they support what they do - and they’ll give it to you. Why is there so much ammo on the “left” and not the “right?” Is it because most mainstream sources of information and/or media are taking what they’re told to say and making it palatable for the docile masses to consume? You’re goddamn right. I’m guilty of it from time to time as well. I shop at Malls when I don’t have a choice. Go to fast food places on occasion. I’m not trying to say I’m perfect. I’m not trying to be pious. I DO feel great pangs of guilt when I “resort” or “stoop down to” the levels of mainstream consumerism. But what’s truly sad to me, is that so many folks - including many of my friends and business associates - are willing to just “take it,” except is as “part of life.” Why? Why DO you support our current Government? President? Why be content without voicing concern? Why “love it or leave it” as many feel? What is patriotic about NOT questioning what we’re doing or what affect it’s having on us or our future - especially our children. Is it because it’s easier? Is it because folks TRULY feel that our country is the best - more than likely because that’s the rhetoric they’ve been taught their whole life? To Pledge Allegiance - just because to not do so would cause ridicule? I fear for my kids’ futures in a society of such complacency. It hurts. It hurts me deeply and badly to know I’m fighting this fight with such intensity - and doing it mostly alone. Folks just don’t care. They’re content to be lemmings. To be comfortable. I’m not. And for that, I risk ridicule from my peers, I risk being pointed out, ostracized, perhaps even looked at as if I’ve lost my mind. Wrestling with this isn’t easy. Forcing myself to toe the OTHER line is what needs to be done - and to do so without worry or care what others may think. It’s not easy, but it’s who I am. I refuse to be beat up - without at least protesting against those doing the beating. I sure wish more folks - especially those within my close personal or business proximity would join me.

Timothy S. Goff As...Carl Sagan. Bob Dylan As...GOD.

5.10.2005.2
From Timmy: “Daddy. When did time start?” I couldn’t answer. I was too busy choking back tears and trying to figure out WWCSD (what would Carl Sagan Do…)

5.10.2005.3
This goes out to the “powers that be”. Eat it.

Bob Dylan “Masters of War”
Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain

You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

Calm Down, Put Away The Bible...

5.10.2005
Let me say first that I respect folks who are dedicated to their religions whole heartedly. I think it's great. In a world (or, more appropriately, NATION) that hasn't left us with a whole lot to make us feel "comfort," those who believe in their creators always can come back to that.

The thing is, there's no "book" ("good" or otherwise...) that is going to be a definitive source for all things.

It's not just Christianity that I feel has flaws, it's other religions like Mormon, Muslim, etc... there really isn't a singular source for "what is right" in my opinion. Your way of thinking seems to be that the christian bible is 'bout as good as it gets. Cool. I would advise you of the mass similarities - aside from some verbiage/language barriers. If you've spent time with the Kuran/Koran/Quran (depends on what part of the world you live in to obtain the spelling) or studying what makes the folks who are Muslim tick, you might be surprised to find that they too believe in GOD, that they're a peace loving people. Much like what the picture of a true Christian is painted to be.

It's the extremists that ruin it for everyone. The extremists and the spin system in place that keeps them going - and arguably perpetuates their continuance and growth. Ask a typical man or woman off the streets of mainstream Amerika, and I'm very certain you'll find that they have not the first clue of how true Muslim religion works. That NOT ALL Muslims are planning on flying planes into the WTC again... See, the gross incompetence/catering to the rich/sociopolitical "leaders" of our country, perpetuates hatred on a mass scale. Interestingly, most of the folks "in charge" here in the states practice some religion other than Muslim or Buddhism or Atheism or... When the "powers that be" are predominantly "home grown" and White, Christian, Male...it's got to be pretty easy to create not only hatred, but negative propaganda (ie: "fair and balanced" news sources in the mainstream media, advertising, consumerism, etc...) which perpepuates its very existence.

Are we by nature a negative country? Absolutely. Are we the most feared country worldwide? You bet. Are the docile masses in this country willing to go along with it because the Red White & Blue (of either the flag or the Pabst Can, time will tell what really decides...sarcasm there...stay with me...) says so? OH HELL YEAH!!!

Sigh.

So where does the role of Christianity come in to play in all this? The fact that Christians seem to feel as well, that the Bible is the definitive source for all things "right". It can't be. Regardless of how wholesome it may be, there are two sides to every story. I've seen selected bible quotes before. Touting what would jc do... what has god ordained... etc... What's interesting is that the other side of the argument is never presented. Would the Christian god advise us to truly follow "an eye for an eye"? Is that what our civilization should be? Killing people for crimes, killing people for revenge for accidental occurences? Wow. There's a reason why I can't get down. Death Penalty advocates? Mostly Christian. Who are we to take a life from someone just because they've done so. A lifetime of contemplation, perhaps even in solitary confinement for long periods of time? Sure. Getting help for these same "criminals"? Absolutely and without a doubt. Forgiveness. Not SELECTIVELY so, either. Christians are supposed to "forgive" because ol' JC died for our sins. Right? Yet, how can murdering someone who has already murdered be "right"?

The bible also tends to read at times like a New York Times Fiction (appropriately so?) Bestseller: replete with chapters of incest, rape, murder, bigotry, hatred, polygamy. It's all there. From Genesis to Deuteronomy and all points after and between. I know, I know. I'm "picking" on the bible and/or Christianity. The thing is, it's important to see all sides of ANY compelling (or even not so) argument, story, religion. The PROBLEM lies in the search for something to cling to as definitive without making the "something" EARN its place as such. How many so called Christians these days go to the bar on Saturday night, flirt or shack up with someone other than their spouse; cuss and swear (blasphemers!!) and take "the lord's name in vain" all week long, only to go to church on Sunday morning (or Saturday night BEFORE "the debauchery" takes place ;)) and make it all better by injecting an hour's worth of guilt and apology?

Even our "founding fathers" and "great" men like Thomas Jefferson and George Washington (admittedly, slave owners and adulterers...) have put forth quotes about how religion (in their cases Christianity) ends up being more of a hindrance to the evolution of society. Here's a few of my favorites that a close friend and “brother" of mine has shown me recently:

George Washington:

"Religious controversies are always productive of more acrimony and irreconcilable hatreds than those which spring from any other cause. Of all the animosities which have existed among mankind, those which are caused by the difference of sentiments in religion appear to be the most inveterate and distressing, and ought most to be depreciated. I was in hopes that the enlightened and liberal policy, which has marked the present age, would at least have reconciled Christians of every denomination so far that we should never again see the religious disputes carried to such a pitch as to endanger the peace of society."
- letter to Edward Newenham, 1792

Thomas Jefferson:

"Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced an inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth." - "Notes on Virginia"


"On the dogmas of religion, as distinguished from moral principles, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another, for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and to all others, and absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind."
- to Carey, 1816

"... I am not afraid of priests. They have tried upon me all their various batteries of pious whining, hypocritical canting, lying and slandering. I have contemplated their order from the Magi of the East to the Saints of the West and I have found no difference of character, but of more or less caution, in proportion to their information or ignorance on whom their interested duperies were to be played off. Their sway in New England is indeed formidable. No mind beyond mediocrity dares there to develop itself."
- letter to Horatio Spofford, 1816

There have been bloody Christian crusades, there was much Native American blood shed during the "founding" of this country. What of those folks? "Savages" because they were a nature loving, contented people who were quite literally raped and pillaged as the almighty dollar reared its head even early on disguised as a break from "tyranny" (religious and social) put forth by The King? Sound familiar?

Christianity, Islam, Mormon. ANY religion that "allows" or at least "advises" the use of force to coerce folks to the "right" way of thinking is not without fault. That's not to say that all who follow these religions - or even the texts which have been accepted to comprise the teachings - are totally wrong. There are certainly aspects that seem to fall in line with anyone with half a brain or sense of love of life in their being.

When I referred to common sense, I was opening up the opportunity to bury myself. Talking as much as I do about "no absolutes", one might say to me, "how can there exist a TRUE Common Sense based on your way of thinking?" I would say "Touche." But also, admit that there ISN'T. However, whomever/however created we were/are there is a true in-grained sense of treating our fellow man, animal, plant, air, water (have I missed anything?) with the utmost respect. I'm not advocating any religion or theology as being better than any other. Period. The one that makes the most sense TO ME... Is a simple "Native American Code Of Ethics" which states, in a nutshell, to respect and HONOR LIFE. A basic example: if you kill a plant for food...say a quick thank you to it for helping you and your body and your health - and that of your family - to continue. I would daresay that most folks would deign that to be "extreme" or at the very least "semi-retarded" and pass it off with a chuckle. I wouldn't. I'd respect it. I think it's perfect - or at least as close to it as possible.

I believe that there is a creator of our existence. I also believe that if it's preordained that we are to believe (no matter what our "affiliation") that our creator is a sort of mirror image of ourselves, that IMPERFECTIONS do exist. The Creator to me represents a power that put us here to do good, to learn, to educate, to explore not just within - but ESPECIALLY OUT OF our comfort zones. To learn about those we disagree with. To love everyone regardless of their attitudes and beliefs.
To that end, am I sometimes angry at the world around me? You're fucking right. But, what may be construed as "anger" is most likely frustration to the max of watching folks exist in a sea of complacency. I'm not down with that.

As I continue to live and laugh and love in this world, attempting to steer through the propaganda that permeates our daily existence from television, radio, movie screens, etc, I find it difficult to rise above at times. But, I will at the very least make every effort to keep open the minds of my family, friends and especially my children. To follow my beliefs - not ordained by any religious propaganda or writing - but by the work I put forth into exploring, researching, questioning, reasoning. Offering MPVS (My Personal Value System) to those closest to me. Not expecting anything other than a quick listen. That's all.

Without absolutes. Without a "right" or a "wrong". Just Common Sense.

I'm A Cop? Ha! Yeah. Right.

5.9.2005
Dream last night: Yours truly is an undercover cop. in this large large office building with a huge open foyer and spiral staircases leading up to lots of individual offices and rooms on the upper floors...tv monitors and things all over the lobby and foyer... very clean surroundings, very busy, very high tech...splashes of color all around, but still relatively sterile. until - soft! what light yonder breaks! a gunshot rings out, and a thug has a young lady in a rear headlock and is dragging her up one of the spiral staircases and reigning shots down with his pistol while using the young woman as a human shield. I race up the staircase, my pistol brandished and fitting in the cradle of my palm like a familiar handshake in my right hand. I have a clean shot between a few of the metal slats on the guard rail near one of the stops on the staircase and nail the assailant in the leg, and when I catch up, proceed to pump the rest of the 5 shots into the dude's chest. The woman runs away. The medics come and get the dude and take him away. I go to an office a few flights up and "check in" for some paperwork. There's all these individual cubicles with these nice middle aged attractively dressed ladies in various states of work and/or gossip. Laughing and joking with me as I fill out whatever necessary paperwork I'm being asked to fill out (not even sure if it's because of what just happened). Then, I leave and go down to the lobby again and there's some folks huddled around a monitor watching some training video or something and an old friend/classmate of mine that I haven't seen in 16 years does the old buddy right hand around my collarbone thing and is like "how ya doin' man? I remember my first one...it's a tough thing to get through but you'll be okay..."

That's all I remember.

I know I hate guns. Can't imagine using one to shoot a person at all. Weird. Oh, yeah. Or, being a cop.

So I looked this up on my Dream Interpretation Page A Day Calendar from a few weeks ago

"For Freud and company, guns are phallic images (yeaah baby!), signs of potency and strength. Other interpreters are struggle or a threatening confrontation in your waking life. Gunslingers have an unfair advantage (is it my charm? my good looks? my potency?... not a chance :)) Who has more might than right in your waking life? But no matter who's holding the gun, your anger built the dream, so it's probably smart to explore your violent feelings by day"

Thank goodness for the 70 pound heavy bag here not too far from my office…

Like Riding A Bike

5.8.2005
Today was one of the very best days of my life as both of my kids took a big step forward in learning how to ride their respective bikes. Timmy's been a little apprehensive (to say the least) about riding his bike sans training wheels. Yesterday, I took 'em off and said, "it's time bud." He was not even reluctant, we went to the sidewalk, I held onto the seat, gave him a quick push and off he went. 7 hours (and a new, relatively slick lookin' $30 Huffy bike from Wal Mart) later, he finally stopped riding. Meanwhile, Emilie has been more content to just ride her bike by "walking" and sitting on the bike seat. She started pedaling and didn't stop either. Then, she took the wheel in Timmy's Mini Jeep and followed her brother around the block - with daddy panting and sweating behind trying to keep up.

Crazy days. Wake up, they're 3.5 and almost 7, go to sleep and they're like 25 and 28... :)

100% Pure LOGIC From A 6 Year Old... How 'Bout That?

5.7.2005
Quote of the day, from my SIX YEAR OLD… “Daddy, if the Government has so much money, they should SHARE it with the poor people”

Chuck Palahniuk... Literary GOD

5.6.2005.2
I've told you before how great Chuck Palahniuk is. Portland, OR should be super proud of the way this man writes.

I tried to explain to Holly after reading just a few pages of the new book of his called "Haunted," how he makes you fall in love immediately with his macabre cast of characters...to love them - in spite of them... and pieces together words so well.

anyway...only 150 pages in to "Haunted" (described on the book flap as a twisted combination of The Real World and "Alive" - the movie about the survivors of that Uraguayan soccer team or whatever...) I had to put it down for a second to collect my thoughts...and to write.

You MUST purchase this book. You don't HAVE to go out and buy all of his others...like I did towards the latter half of last year - and then read them all within weeks of each other. But, you might decide to do so.

This man is the Henry Miller of this generation (and at times, does him one or two better by way of sexual tension alone). Perhaps better. Perhaps more of an Edgar Allen Poe meets F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yeah. Then again, maybe it's better to say that he's leading the way to be the Patron Literary Saint (or Devil) of The New Millenium.

The storytelling is JUST. THAT. GOOD.

If only...

5.6.2005
Had a dream last night that I was at some party and the Bush cabinet was there as well. Holly was sitting right next to him at a picnic table in some grand ballroom (you know, texas/oil money style) I approach them and tell him to get away from my wife. He just sits and shakes with that dumb grin and chuckle of his, while I let him know in no uncertain terms with each step towards them how much of an asshole I really think - and know - that he is. A short 100 words spewed forth calmly, but with the delivery of Yosemite Sam… I make a lunge over the table for his throat as Secret Service start flying in from all directions. I wake up.

Kiss My Ass Bill O'Reilly... And Put Your Skirt On First You Bitch.

5.4.2005
Random questions. Off the cuff answers.

FOX News: Fair & Balanced? How about Disproportionate & Unhinged?

Coaltion Of the Willing? COW? Animals who are easily prodded and led to their ultimate demise? Hmmmm…

With us or against us? Who ordained us to be the Worldwide Babysitters?

WMD’s in Iraq and/or North Korea- our business? Well, in effect, yes… but that’s another topic. Arming other countries and then trying to spin it around…kinda like that scence from “Shane” right? (credit: Bill Hicks. RIP)

Keeping ME safe? PROTECTING me from some Imagined “Boogeyman”? Last I checked, a TRUE survey of the rest of the world shows US as the most feared country on the planet. And why shouldn’t we be?

Mainstream Media is guilty of underexposing opposition or, “ghettoizing”/downsizing the protest oriented movements.

It’s not enough to complain. It’s the responsibility of any TRUE PATRIOT to “RE”search and THEN Destroy those who are uninformed. Those who choose to simply “toe the line” and follow the flag, are doing themselves and those close to them a great disservice.

It’s a fact, and a sad one at that, that the truth is out there - but relatively unavailable to the docile masses, unless they research sources that aren’t commercialized here in the U.S.

It’s easy to be a Media Bully…when you’re predominantly White Male.

Only in America can someone like Oliver North be considered a hero - AND - be given his own show.

Top 5 This!

5.3.2005

Some top 5’s as of 5.3.2005

Top 5 Funniest People
1. Bill Hicks
2. David Cross
3. Ben Stiller
4. Jack Black
5. Will Ferrell

Top 5 Favorite Bands
1. The Ramones
2. The Clash
3. The Doors
4. Pearl Jam
5. The Connells

Top 5 Favorite Solo Artists
1. Henry Rollins
2. Kevn Kinney
3. Ben Folds
4. Johnny Cash
5. Lloyd Cole

Top 5 Heroes:
1. My Parents - ALL 3
2. Henry Rollins
3. Muhammad Ali
4. Steve Earle
5. Chief Joseph

Top 5 People I’d Most Like To Have Lunch With:
1. Henry Rollins
2. Chuck Palahniuk
3. John Cusack
4. Howard Zinn
5. Michael Moore