Breakfast Is For Sissies

6.29.2005
Good morning. 7am Eastern.

1) Appetizer: Coffee, Black, Decaf, 8 cups; Queens Of The Stone Age - "R"
2) Breakfast: Danish (okay, okay... a piece of dry toast... fuck you... ;)); The Cult - "Pure Cult"
3) Brunch: 6 oreos (top part of the cookie sandwich first, scrape the cream with bottom teeth, chew, finish off the top of the cookie...); Ben Folds - "Ben Folds Live"
Mmmmmmmmmmm...tasty!
By the by, next time you think you've got it rough... try watching your son digging the Ben Folds Live CD while driving around the town, asking what each song is about from the opener "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" to "Brick". Oh yeah. That one’s a toughie. Got through it though. Lived it, as far as that goes. Great disc by the way.
So, too, is pretty much anything by Queens Of The Stone Age. Pure straight ahead Rock? Check. Pick one. Any one. Live it, love it. Just don't buy it from Meijer or Wal Mart. Got mine at Media Play and thought I was safe... til I realized that my "Songs For The Deaf" was the "edited version." SHITFUCKPISS.
Alright.
That's enough.
Back to the grind with the rest of the docile masses.
Moo.

Baa Baa Baaaaaaaad Idea

6.26.2005
Lest you think that my recent quest has turned me into a peacenik, complacent freak… let me be the first to POP that bubble. Truth be told, I still hate you. I may have temporarily forgotten just how much, but, no, it’s still there. See, your gross incompetence in terms of just TRYING hard enough is terrible. Your inability to rise above the cattle prods at your ass, drives me crazy. You’re never going to evolve. You’re going to spend eternity wallowing in your own shit. You’re dumb. You’re stupid. You have no self esteem and you make no bones about it. I see you out there working it. Fighting fires with a smoke between your lips. Having your post-church social church social in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store. Backing up poor folks like me for miles. You sag. You slink. You move with all the speed of a Giant Tortoise. You have no cognizance of those around you. You invade space. You don’t leave well enough alone. You mow your lawn in extreme heat or extreme rains. You walk in the middle of the street. You show no respect to people around you as you stare off into space and just about get run over. You’d rather sleepwalk your way through life. Just ignore everyone. They’ll all go away, and so will your problems. News flash. They don’t, and they won’t. So get over it. Get a fucking clue. Get a fucking life. Start giving a shit. Echoes of your own complacency will be your death rattle. Music to my ears. One less to worry about along the way. I hope it lulls you to a peaceful sleep. We can use what’s left for sustenance and fuel.

Climb Aboard...If You Can Stomach It

6.25.2005
Join me. Or don’t. Your choice. Don’t waste my time if you don’t come with an open mind and an open heart. You must be willing to experience life in a realm that is not available to the docile masses. Not available AT ALL to those who refuse to dream…of peace and harmony within - and without. You must be willing to look deep inside of your self, past your physical and mental limitations and just let go. Let go of everything you think you know…and discover those things that you DO know, but that you haven’t allowed yourself to experience. It’s all there. If you know where to look. To realize that we all need to take care of what is in our hearts. To make it as pure as possible within. Only then can we help to guide others towards us. Give the mainstream a miss…and you’ll see us. Me, and the 1, 2, 6, 17, possibly 30 folks that are in tune enough with our truth to exist on this plane. Join US. Let’s make our own circle of life. A circle built upon peace, love, respect and honor. You know, the basics. The TRUTH. The values upon which any truly great civilization must build around. Soon, our circle may start to droop around the perimeter…kind of like the inverse of a suction cup. Folks may start to cling for life around the outside. Those who aren’t strong enough, or willing to abide by the basics. They’ll fall. The rest of us will have the strength to gather near the center of the circle. To be close to the source of existence. Whatever plane it exists upon and whatever of the myriad shapes it may take. To join together and peer into the very center of our SINGULAR consciousness, and to realize that we are all ONE. We are nature. We are the Father, the Mother, the Great Creator. We are all an equal and integral part of the future of life. We are the very things that surround us daily. We ARE life. Only the strong can lead. Only the strong can maintain. Only the strong can survive. Be strong. Live long. Nay, Live FOREVER. You will never die, if you are strong. Strong in the ways of honor, respect, love and peace. All the guns and bombs, oaths and negativity in the “mainstream” that provide ammunition for those who wield power for the purpose of repression, regression, homocide, genocide. All of this will be powerless against those who are pure of heart. Those who are strong with the Truth. We will continue on. Continue seeking those who are of similar heart and mind, to join us on this quest. This quest for truth. This quest for survival. Far too long fear has held us back. Our own fears, our own hatreds, our own intolerances. Now, is the time for those of us who have found our inner peace to share it. To accumulate. Not assimilate. To allow for REAL freedom of thinking and action. And for a truly wonderful existence. No more war. No more hatred. No more blindly following the “masses”. Look inside first. That’s the first step. Find your center. Find your truth. Then, join us. Or don’t. It’s your choice. Be strong.

Sedona, AZ

6.24.2005
Recap of visit to Sedona, AZ.

Monday brought a visit to the Hopi Land (indian reservation - about 2.5 hours north of Flagstaff... 4 hours from Sedona) where I was given a beautiful gift from an elder - and the gifts of family, respect, honour and love with a simple visit. knowing that I'm welcome to visit them anytime means the world to me. being there and bringing them food and clothing and supplies and seeing the gratefulness in their eyes, just...uplifting. such a sense of peace in their tiny little home. they live within their means. extravagance might mean trying on a brand new pair of shoes that a friend might bring as a gift, or an extra load of coal for the coal/wood burning stove in the house. next time I complain about what I DON'T have, I'll think back to meeting Anita and "Old Man" and smile through my selfish tears.
Tuesday brought with it a visit to Phoenix to the Arizona Heart Hospital on the hottest day in Phoenix so far this year, and the hottest place in North America on that day. the cardiologist says that there's no surgery required and mom is fit as a fiddle. the meds are working. no ablative surgery or stopping the heart and jump starting it back, necessary. we had to make a 2 hour trip a 4 hour to avoid road blocks and forest fires. in the process, we got to see different parts of arizona that we've never seen before (Payson), the mountains, the trees, forests, green (unusual for Arizona in such heavy volume)... striking. unfortunately, in a desert climate... lots of rain would seem to be a welcome addition, right? nope. the rain brings the vegetation to life - too much of it. then, due to the extreme heat conducive to the climate in arizona... it becomes an immediate fire hazard. the very next day, in the exact same forest and mountains we had driven through...were burning. heat lightning and dry climate... not a good combo. thank goodness we were safe. wednesday comes around and we go to breakfast at "the coffee pot restaurant" which is my very favourite place EVER to have breakfast. very very good place. the dude that owns it is a former hollywood hairdresser... came here from the middle east waaaaaaaaaaaay back, and has people come to his small daytime only restaurant like clockwork. amazing food and amazing people. they know my mom and her partner by name.shortly thereafter we went on a spiritual quest/nature hike. I say this, because a native shaman/medicine man took us into a beautiful mountain valley with some of the most amazing rocks, streams, wildlife and views you've ever seen. we stopped a few times along the way to soak it in, to appreciate what Mother Earth provides. the sky, the sun, the wind, the sounds of nature. uninterrupted. he took us to a small cave. big enough for the three of us to stand in along with some pretty scary looking spiders hanging from the cave walls. we chanted. we did sounds from within in harmony in this tiny cave space that was about the size of a portable shower one might take camping. acoustics were hauntingly beautiful. there was a small overhang and a tiny hole in the top of the overhang where the sun would come directly in from the east each morning. one of his favourite meditation spots. I could completely understand why. further down the trail, we stopped at an amazing rock which, when you looked straight up, looked like a giant turtle with the head sticking out. we did a traditional drumming ceremony. meditated as the sound of the heartbeat from his drum and the rattle he was hitting it with, got our own hearts beating in tune with that of Mother Earth. surrounded us with burning sage. a cleansing ceremony. if you've never done this...you'll never understand. I don't guess many folks are open to something as traditional as this. but, it's impossible to explain the peace within during a ceremony of this nature. having dedicated a medicine wheel in a ceremony, and another very similar ceremony, I can say they are truly enlightening experiences. energy. peace. love. all in one. (and sage smells like Pot, by the by...without the side effects. ;)after the hike, we came back to the house and chilled on the last night and recapped our entire week. making my mom's partner laugh heartily at my storytelling style of the places we've been and the things we experienced. just me and mom.the flights back were uneventful. and I've been having severe withdrawals...not being able to go out on the back porch with my coffee and watch the sunrise over Thunder Mountain at 5:30am. not seeing any Red Rocks. not breathing in the mountain air. those things aren't close by physically as I type. but the memories are in my head. and my heart.

6.16.2005
Dreams. 061505. But first, a quote: “A Man’s Dreams Are An Index To His Greatness.” Zadok Rabinowitz. Well, Mr. Rabinowitz, I must be really freakin’ great then. Observe. J
In the first, Holly and I go to a sort of Alternative Health “mall” for lack of a better term. We’re in a lobby surrounded by foliage, plants, flowers, high windows with sunlight streaming through from about 3 stories high. All kinds of offices make up the rest of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd floors. I’m not sure exactly why we’re there, other than to check out this doctor who claims she can see into our pasts - and - past lives. I’m skeptical to the max, and am reading some literature that has no explanation in terms of “normal” answers to the questions asked within it. The only answers on the pages are that we’ve existed many times before elsewhere throughout time, and made conscious choices to make those changes from person to person of our existence. As we get set to leave, an old friend of mine who was sitting in the lobby says “goodbye gentlemen.” I turn around and shoot him a glare and say “what are you talking about?” He says “back in the day, there was a male angel who was friends with Christ and asked him if he could please assume the role of a female. Christ granted him that wish peacefully and without hesitation. THAT’s who your wife once was…” I tell him he’s full of shit. We walk into the doctor’s office, a small closed in white room with desks full of clutter. I sit down next to Holly as she has a doctor go over some readings and charts and tells her that “have you ever heard the story of…” and she inserts the name of this angel. I’m still very skeptical and tell her she’s full of shit… then, she shows me pictures of the whole process. I remember thinking how the hell do you expect me to believe that those are REAL pictures? She just smiles and her assistant who is sitting at a desk next to me says “take a look here…”
She has a spinning photo carousel with random pictures featuring ME from all my childhood and adult life. I’m amazed that these photos are on her desk, as I know that my mom or my dad and stepmom haven’t sent her any. “Where did you get these?” She simply smiles and points to my head. I feel a strange sensation in my stomach - a combination of extreme happiness…and extreme awe. Utter confusion, really. Holly and I thank the doctors and we leave down the stairs back to the lobby. I see my old friend sitting there and I shoot him a glance and tell him he’ll not be hearing from me for a long time.

Next, I am attending a seminar by myself. At this seminar, the goal is for people to be challenged to go beyond their earthly life and/or talents and break through to achieve something they’ve wanted before they go on to their next “life”. I talk with the head of the seminar quite a bit and ask lots of questions. He suffers through them with a smile and looks at me and says “The answers are NOT going to be found by asking so many questions. The ultimate answer to your questions are all going to be centered around the fact that we exist BECAUSE WE DO.” Never satisfied with a bullshit answer like that, I sit through his seminar and challenge folks left and right during the breaks between sentences of his speech. “You can’t just exist without questioning the answers!” I’m laughed at the whole time.

In the 3rd dream I can remember, my buddy Jason (aka J Dub) came over to chill at my place. Funnily, the place was my old house from when I was 5 years old til I was 16 in DeWitt. He comes over and says hello to my dad and brother and sister who are all watching motorcycle racing on TV. He stops and checks out some of the race before he continues down the stairs to the rec room. “I didn’t know you liked motorcycles, J Dub” and he replies, “Oh, yeah. Love ‘em. I used to race ‘em all the time.” I tell him he’ll love this, and I show him a video of me in some field racing a motorcycle and doing jumps and tricks and stuff.

Finally, in the 4th dream, I’m with Holly somewhere on a date. It’s a special occasion because we’re dressed up and stuff. I tell her to check this out… and I give her a single yellow flower (probably a sunflower or something…). She looks at it longingly and really seems to love it. Then I say, “smell it…” and so she does, and when the tip of her nose touches the first petal, a bunch of tiny tiny blue flowers pop up on the petal of the yellow flower. She’s in tears at how beautiful it really is.

He's NOT. THAT. INNOCENT. But, he's also not guilty... aka OJ Redux?

6.14.2005
Well, he's actually not "innocent," he's NOT GUILTY according to the jury.

Look, he had a fair trial. And one of two things happened. Either 1) he paid these folks to the one to find him not guilty across the board... or 2) they truly felt (as do I) that the prosecution didn't do a good job picking the right witnesses and put the wrong people on the stand to instantly create a worse credibility rating than Michael's. At that point, the prosecution lost. The same thing happened in OJ's trial. Too bad, really.

But, then again, I think what it boils to is that Michael was put on trial not for the 14 things he was accused of...but of being a sick bastard. Seriously. Is there anything other than that that folks are thinking of him?

All I hear is "oh, he's guilty"... blah blah blah... Well, if you're talking about sleeping with little boys in the context of cuddling...yeah...I can see your point. However, as the Rev. Jesse said... it's NOT against the law, it's only against the NORM.

Admittedly, it's not a good thing, I don't think, to have desires to cuddle with young men or women who are not your children.
But, as long as he hasn't touched them inappropriately, then he hasn't broken any laws officially. At least laws of our land…breached some sort of moral/ethical code laid down by the masses (ie: what’s “right”) then, yes.

And, really, I don't want to hear ANYMORE morons say "would YOU let YOUR child sleepover at Mike's?" Well, NO, jackass. I wouldn't let him sleep at Mike's...or John's...or Sally's...or... at the freakin’ Pope’s house people, Michael ain't Satan, the premise of someone - ANYONE - wanting to have sleepovers with kids is what's on the table here. Not him specifically.

I think the dude's got serious mental issues. I think he could use some help. I think the time for beating him up for being "different" should be done with. He's bought himself lots of press over the years, and quite honestly has been revolutionary in the music he's created at times. At this point, he's a human being, lost on the road of life. We need to help the guy find his way if he doesn't do it for himself. He's one of us, whether we like him or not.

Show Me The Way To Guantanamo Bay...

We are all terrorists. Everyone of us. Don't believe what your conscience tells you. Don't dare to believe that you know what the hell you're thinking... or even capable of thinking. You've been exposed. Yes, you. The thinker. The reader. The "smarter than the average lemming" creature that you are. Don't run. Don't hide. You're being watched. You've been tagged. Marked, like one of those animals in the wilderness that the dude from "Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" used to always have his brave manservant jump out of the jeep and tackle. You, you beast. You're capable of so much harm. You're capable of destroying the plan that's been put in place and executed relatively smoothly lo all these years of "democracy". Sure, some might call it more of a "martial law" setting, but they'll soon be eliminated, too. Just like you. There is no other alternative. You must know this. You DO know this. It's the price you pay for daring to read, learn, research, think by yourself. You're vastly outnumbered. Why fight it? Why try? Why rise up? Rise against? Just stop, let the warming sensation of the mind drainer taser do its work, and wake up to warm breezes, the smell of white cotton linens blowing in the breeze, freshly manicured grass. Fluffy bunnies and clouds surrounding you. Warm. Fuzzy
It's what you want, isn't it? Think about it. Better yet, don't. That's been done for you. Just follow along. Be like everyone else. Bend over and take it. Resistance is futile, as they say. Keep your eyes on the flag. The red and white will blend together into a nice, friendly, pink color...just like this country. Friendly and pink in color. And male. How would any other country possibly fear this country? Why would they? This country has all the answers. Answers for everything. For you. For others. For everyone. Again, resistance is futile. Why won't the other countries just give in? Can't they see things working here? Everyone is happy here. Everyone is a clone. There's nothing to fear. If they'd only follow the "democracy" that is shoved down their throats they'd be so much better off. Why is there such a fear of what this country can do? Conformity to the standards set forth by this government - worldwide - is the only ultimate solution to world peace. Get with it people! And back to you. You, little one. You, little cattle. You, docile masses. Stay far away from the internet. Stay away from books. Don't read. Don't think. Don't research. Stay close to home. Don't travel. Why fight it? Do as you're told and all will be well, young lemming. Follow, don't lead. Anyone who says otherwise will die - do you want to? Just eat what and when you're told. Figuratively and literally. Remember, you're being watched. There's nothing wrong. All is well. All is right. Everything is fine. Go back to sleep amerika. Go back to sleep. Shhhhh. It's all going to work out just perfectly. Just follow the party line. Follow the road. It's paved with extreme money, extreme hubris, extreme perfection. It's all in front of you. Follow along. Freedom awaits you. You don't want to be different. Smarter? More well informed? Knowledge is overrated. Come. Join us. Never mind, you're already here. There's a nice lemming, niiiiiiiiiice sheep. We're headed for that ridge over there. See it? Off in the distance? Keep walking the path we've made for you. You'll get there. Don't stop. Keep going. You'll know when you've arrived. Goodbye.